NEW YORK — A major cable news network announced Monday it will replace its entire programming lineup with a single, around-the-clock panel discussion devoted to whether cable news has too many panel discussions.
"Viewers have told us they're tired of watching eleven people in little boxes yell over each other," said the network's president. "So we're bringing in twelve people in littler boxes to talk about it."
The program, titled "Panel," will feature a rotating cast of strategists, former officials, a body language expert and a man whose title is listed only as "Contributor." Each guest will have four seconds to make a point before being interrupted by a breaking news alert about the panel.
During the show's first hour, panelists agreed that the panel format was overused, that the debate needed "more voices," and that the network should add a second panel to respond to the first panel in real time.
"What we're seeing here is a really important conversation," said one panelist, before the host cut to commercial for the seventeenth time. "And I think the American people deserve to hear it from someone like me, who has been on television every day for nine years."
Ratings were reportedly strong, with media analysts attributing the success to the network's decision to leave the volume on.