GENEVA — More than 400 private jets touched down Tuesday as world leaders, celebrities and consultants gathered for the Global Summit on Everyone Else's Emissions, a three-day event focused on the dangers posed by ordinary people's kitchens.
"We flew in from every continent because this cannot wait," said one delegate, stepping off a 14-seat jet he had flown in alone, along with his dog and a personal chef. "Somewhere out there, a family in Ohio is boiling pasta on an open flame. Frankly, it's terrifying."
Organizers said the summit's opening session, "Your Stove and You: An Intervention," drew a packed room. A keynote speaker warned that the average gas burner produces as much carbon as "several minutes" of her yacht idling, a comparison she called "deeply humbling."
The conference's sustainability report noted that attendees offset their travel by planting a single tree in the hotel lobby, which staff will water using bottled water flown in daily from Fiji.
Delegates also unveiled a bold new pledge to have every household switch to induction cooktops by 2030, to be paid for by the households. "Sacrifice is something we all have to share," said a spokesperson, before boarding a helicopter to the summit's closing gala, which will feature a 12-course tasting menu cooked over open fire.
At press time, attendees had agreed to hold next year's summit somewhere even farther away, "to show how seriously we take this."